Risking it all for what you love

No matter what you choose. The day will come but you determine whether is it is now or never.

I’ve been playing it safe but when does it become safe become costly? I’d like to put all bets on myself but I’m so scared I’ll lose everything. I used to work really hard I wanted more money, more freedom but now I have money and never want to loose it. I built up a risk averse conscious for losing everything I’ve worked for. I realized putting all bets on yourself takes sacrifice.

I've learned the true definition of priority and its one. Focusing all of my energy on one thing. These past few years I've been divided. I used work to get into school, now I need work to fund school and its a continuous pendulum. Or so I thought.

Work informs school and school articulate my work. Together there a powerhouse but one without the other seems like a lose/lose in the end. I know the complete investment in school will advance my status and apprehension in the workplace but it's not a required part of life. Or so I thought.

I know the investment in me would be well worth it but I equally know all bets on me will take time. I know I have plenty of mistakes ahead of me. But based on my experience, I won't be starting from scratch. I’ll have friends and family and the pursuit of nothing less.

So, what’s the cost of risking it all for what you love? What do you really loose?

Time.

I’m starting to think if I don’t take the leap I’ll compromise the piece of myself that knows I can do it. The version of me, that as time goes on, I will continue chipping away at her belief by making excuses of why I haven’t taken the leap, until I fully deplete her of the confidence to stand up for what she believes in.

It’s like I’m standing on the edge of break though. It’s a cliff with no end. I’ve practiced all my life how to fly and I even conquered small obstacle without a flinch but this is the big leagues the big drop. Realizing you’ve reach the end of the line and it’s time to truly fly, feels like you're risking it all. All the practice and learning and fine tuning is now tested in this one moment. What will you do?

It's hard working and going to school. Juggling the hats of adult hood and childhood pursuits. This is the time I choose who I really want to be. Will I rise or fold?

Risk the money, security or even a good job with nothing to fall back on. I’ll be in serious trouble if they all fall at the same time. So it’s like balancing the scale. If I don’t take the leap I’m just waddling around. Upset that I haven’t been given myself the opportunity to soar. But also upset I didn’t give my best when I needed me the most. The regret of not fully putting all of myself into it. So, what’s next? Do I take the leap or stay safe take the job offer?

If I'm being honest, everyone thinks I’m doing great and take risk but no one knows really I’m paying it safe. Job after job, paycheck after paycheck. I know this isn’t the life for me but I’m scared a stepping in the right direction will show who I really am. They’ll see everything I’m made of. Tenacious, ambitious and high achieving. Who knew she could do it?

We often have this internal conflict with what’s comfortable and what’s most authentic to who we are. It can be scary and daunting to believe in yourself. I’d like to know I can soar but maybe I have to just prove it. Leave it on the line and jump. I might break a wing or forget how to fly but at least I took the leap… at least that’s what they say right?

No matter what I choose. The day will come but I determine whether is it is now or never... How will I get funding? How will pay for my ideas? How will I know when it's complete? I don’t even have a team so maybe it’s all in my head?

So many questions and not enough answers. I guess that’s what the unknown feels like. You’d think the unknown means you can create the future you want but really if inflicts fear until you can’t move. Until you're too scared to take risk, until living in fear in longer becomes the risk.

What is the real risk? If I’m losing myself in the process.

Sometimes I think if I continue on build a secure life with a friends, family and a happy home. I build a foundation on the lie I've been telling myself. Then, I have this life based on who it's safe to be. Identifying risk becomes more challenging because I've now surrounded myself with people who affirm the version of me that isn't true until I can't even tell the difference. Then they talk the best version of me out of what she can do and into what she's not suppose to.

The risk becomes you.

Security doesn't exist unless you create a figment of it in your mind. Characteristics that constitute safety and risk would be the loss of those things but if there are made up, it was never real.

The truth always resurfaces.

In context, risking it all for what you love means leaving it all on the table. Doing your best each and every day. Risk the time today, for the opportunity of tomorrow. I don’t know what entrepreneurship will bring me but I know it will give a shot to show what I’ve got. And that’s all I need is the small slice of belief.

Turns out showing up was my process. The act of me being more like myself was the process to seeking me.

In the end, it’s all about balance. Challenge your beliefs. Risk is a construct of a belief system. To stay safe is more risky than exercising your strength.

Ultimately, you have to make the decision within you first to truly believe in what’s next for you. I had to let go of limiting belief about myself to acknowledge my true gifts and walk in the best version of who I know I am. It’s not easy believing but it’s a lot less risky than playing it safe.

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